.....Forgiveness!

There is a common teaching among Christians that claims we are to offer unconditional forgiveness to all who do evil against us (and others), followed by reconciliation. Some teach that we are to allow this cycle of offense, forgiveness, then reconciliation to continue forever (70 times 7). Is this really what Jesus commands us to do?

To forgive sin under all circumstances, unconditionally, and to reconcile with the unrepentant offender communicates a false gospel. It is not biblical. This is not what God does, nor is it what He commands us to do. However, to be unforgiving of sins against us by others also communicates a false gospel. So what is a believer to do?

In an attempt to answer these questions, I ask you to consider forgiveness and reconciliation in the most radical sense in order to put these teachings into perspective. Cast off petty offenses such as forgetting to bring a pie to a long-ago Christmas dinner or being late for an appointment. Instead, think of something truly wicked that has been done to you, or to someone you love, not unknowingly, but with premeditation and malice a situation in which you have come face to face with evil. With that in mind, imagine the perpetrator pridefully denying his or her wrongdoing and refusing to repent, yet demanding your forgiveness and reconciliation because, "After all, you are a Christian, and this is your obligation." Now what?

Forgiveness Defined

Before we delve into the subject, let's determine what forgiveness really means. Some definitions include:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary: To pardon, absolve
To give up resentment of
To grant relief from payment of
Strong's Hebrew Definition: salach (saw-lakh)
To forgive:--forgive, pardon, spare
Strong's Greek Definition: aphiemi (af-ee-ay-mee)
To cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up

Perhaps it is more helpful to define what forgiveness is NOT:

Forgiveness is not ignoring, disregarding, tolerating, excusing, overlooking, or closing one's eyes to the sin of another person. It is not simply letting time pass after the offense has been committed and then "getting over it." It is not resigning one's self to the other person's sinful actions by saying, "Well, that's just the way s/he is and I"m stuck with her/him for life, so I'll just accept it." It is not letting things "roll off our backs"or agreeing to make a "fresh start" without confronting the problem. To engage in these behaviors not only condones sin, but also perpetuates it, and as Christians, we are forbidden to do so.

The Biblical Model of Forgiveness

Jesus himself gave us a three-step model of forgiveness among believers in the Gospel of Luke. He said: "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4).

Step One: Rebuke - Jesus clearly tells us that if a "brother," meaning a believer, sins against us, we are first to rebuke him. What does this mean? To rebuke is to criticize sharply, to reprimand. This plays nicely into the Christian principle of speaking the truth in love. To rebuke a brother is not an act done with a hateful or prideful heart. No. In fact, it could easily be compared to the behavior of a loving mother correcting her child for a behavior that will bring harm to her child and/or others. She may raise her voice and speak sternly, but she does so with a loving heart and tongue. We are to rebuke our brothers privately, and with humble hearts.

Step Two: Repentance - Jesus tells us that our forgiveness is conditional upon the brother's repentance after the rebuke. To repent in the broad biblical sense is to turn away from sin. Repentance is not simply a reform of one's behavior, although genuine repentance ultimately results in reformed behavior. Instead, repentance is the sincere feeling of remorse, and a heartfelt search for forgiveness. A believer does not get to that place without first feeling the burden of Holy Spirit conviction. The natural response of a believer to Holy Spirit conviction is acknowledgement that one has sinned, followed by true remorse and repentance. The kind of repentance God demands, knowing the interaction of the indwelling Holy Spirit with His children, is one that has visible results to others: fruits. The great Apostle Paul discussed his gospel with King Agrippa, saying "...that they should repent, turn to God, and do works befitting repentance" (Acts 26:20). Also, John the Baptist said, "Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance..." (Luke 3:8). True repentance is always evident and visible through the changed hearts and fruit bearing works of the repentant. That kind of transformation is evident to believers and unbelievers alike. It's obvious to all who interact with the person and witness his or her daily conduct. Jesus gives us more insight into this dilemma when he spoke these words:

"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:15-20).

In the practical and relational sense, repentance begins with the offender recognizing his or her wrongdoing. This recognition always includes an admission of guilt to the offended party. The person who has committed the offense is required to confess the wrongdoing and express remorse to the offended person for the sinful acts. Afterwards, the offender is to make a commitment not to repeat the offense. Ultimately, the purpose of this process is to express guilt and remorse to the offended person in an attempt to gain forgiveness so that the two people can repair the relationship. Without this process being fulfilled in its entirety, forgiveness is impossible.

Step Three: Forgiveness - If the first two steps have been completed, and the fruits of sincere repentance have been observed, Jesus commands the offended party to forgive his brother, as He has forgiven us.

What about the unbeliever?

This is what the Scriptures say about how we are to conduct ourselves among unbelievers:

"After these things the Lord appointed seventy others also, and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to go. Then He said to them, "The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. Go your way; behold, I send you out as lambs among wolves. Carry neither money bag, knapsack, nor sandals; and greet no one along the road. But whatever house you enter, first say, 'Peace to this house.' And if a son of peace is there, your peace will rest on it; if not, it will return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking such things as they give, for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not go from house to house. Whatever city you enter, and they receive you, eat such things as are set before you. And heal the sick there, and say to them, 'The kingdom of God has come near to you.' But whatever city you enter, and they do not receive you, go out into its streets and say, 'The very dust of your city which clings to us we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this, that the kingdom of God has come near you.' But I say to you that it will be more tolerable in that Day for Sodom than for that city" (Luke 10:1-12).

We must be very careful here because we are commanded never to judge the hearts of others with regard to their salvation. To do so would be assuming godship, which is a sin. Even so, the Lord has given us permission, in Holy Spirit discernment, to shake the dust from our sandals and to move on, when we don't meet with peace in His name. God has given us specific instruction in this regard, and we should obey His words. He even warns us about how we are to interact with unbelievers: in wisdom and with gentleness; to be in the world but not of the world, because we are His chosen, and are set apart as the salt and light of the world. He explains this concept in the following passage:

"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light. See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is" (Ephesians 5:6-17).

Back to the Original Issue of Forgiveness

Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done and repent. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness, as previously outlined in Luke 17:3-4.

The Bible says we are to forgive as God forgave us. It is written in Ephesians 4:32, "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you" and Colossians 3:13 states, "...bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

However, God withholds His forgiveness until we repent: "...and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel" (Mark 1:15). "I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them, do you think that they were worse sinners than all other men who dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3-5). "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord..." (Acts 3:19).

God does not grant forgiveness to those of us who continue to act with prideful arrogance against Him, and against our brothers and sisters in Christ. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God's merciful forgiveness. We must exhibit this same behavior in our relationships in the Body. God requires repentance and so must we.

An unrepentant person maintains a false sense of control over his life through pride, which inevitably leads to destruction, violence, and animosity. This is because an unrepentant heart is conceived in the child of the devil: "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate" (Proverbs 8:13). "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18). "A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor"
(Proverbs 29:23).

Turning toward God is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If, as believers, we don't require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person coming to see his or her need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.

How To Deal with the Unrepentant

The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse, and when the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.

When the offender does not take the first step, we have no other choice but to exercise inward forgiveness for the sake of our own peace of mind and tranquility. This is when we choose to no longer be a party to the unfavorable emotions we experience when we think of the malicious behavior.

Although we are not required to forgive the unrepentant offender, we are commanded to pray that our enemies would come to repentance, especially of their sins before Christ, if they are not saved. "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:44-48).

Outward forgiveness, in the case of an unrepentant offender, is something we turn over to God himself. Outwardly, only God can extend forgiveness to our enemies. This is a burden He gladly accepts on our behalf if we will simply allow Him to deliver us from the pain of this burden.


Maranatha!